I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
i believe in u and ur pee
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
