I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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