he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
