Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
