Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
