she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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