Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
