so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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