So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
