She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
