Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
