Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
