Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
