Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
