I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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