trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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