did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize