am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
