id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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