nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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