My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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