Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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