last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
