i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We got so high we made milksteak
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
