the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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