We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
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