I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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