Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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