dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
