i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
