Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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