If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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