The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
