Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
