i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
