Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
