so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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