Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
