It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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