Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I know her cup size but not her name....
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