I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
