no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize