she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
