the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
