five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The adults are the big ones right?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize