we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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