GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
