You're so nebulous sometimes
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
