On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
