3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize