White coat. Heels.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
