the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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