WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize