You smell like a Billy Joel song
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
i think my cat just said my name.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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