Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
