He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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