Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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