this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
