He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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