it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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