all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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