I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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