That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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