i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
