I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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