I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
