For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
