I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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