I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
