I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
