In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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