you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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