i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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