I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
