so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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