I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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