Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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