You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
