also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
