I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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